Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Lost: Swagger. Reward!

Okay:

So, I lost my swagger again.

Damn thing won't stay where I put it.

My Friday night regular came over last night. The same one I wrote about last week. The one I mounted three times in one night. The young lady I sent home skipping in erotic merriment.

Last night there was no such carnal feasting. Last night I rolled over and fell into a coma-like sleep after one twelve minute romp.

I started snoring so loud she had to wake me up because she couldn't hear the television.

She had sent me a few texts this weekend, asking for a repeat appearance. I stood her up twice. No good reason. I just didn't feel like it.

I wouldn't have seen her last night were it not for guilt.

Isn't that a lovely irony?

Captain of the cheerleading team (literally), fifteen years later is screwing the skinny, awkward artist guy (literally). And he's dogging her. You can't make this shit up.

Tragic for her, yes. But interesting reading, nonetheless.

We are talking about a beautiful, voluptuous, desirable, hyper-sexual woman here. Not some mut. She could easily find a man that would worship her pinky toe nails and give of himself freely. Trust me.

I, on the other hand, am willing to give her nothing.

Don't get me wrong. None of this pleases me. But that's precisely the point isn't it?

None of this pleases me.

We have been keeping up this "strictly sexual" relationship for over a year now. I guess we officially crossed the line of casual some time ago. Not that it matters. I was never really in to this woman.

To be honest, I'd rather masturbate.

Isn't that fucked up?

I think I am contemptuous of her because she is the symbol of everything I despised in my teenage years. A snooty, spoiled bitch with everything going for her except real intelligence.

So maybe there is a hint of sadism here. Maybe I am getting back at the establishment in my own way. Maybe I think she has it coming.

I am chickens coming home to roost.

I am karma.

Or...or...

I am very, very, very tired of being single. So tired that I don't even have the energy to entertain a "strictly sexual" relationship. After all, what exactly am I getting out of all this? An orgasm? Whoopty-fucking-do! I've had a million of those.

They're like shoes. Some are nicer than others. New ones are particularly exciting. But after they're good and broken in, they're just shoes. Put 'em in the closet with the rest. I'm over it.

Or...

I am one of those guys who will fall hopelessy in love with some shrew. She'll dog me out and then justice will be served. Voila!! The universe will be righted.

Or...

I am a creep.

Your call.

Thanks for reading.

Tip of the day: Getting (or giving) a blowjob while driving (or riding) may seem like a hot idea, but there are many, many, many possible negative outcomes.

Shameless Plug: I will be performing LIVE Thursday December 6 at Bohemian Caverns (2001 11th St, NW WDC) with Heron Gibran and Dirty Water. No Cover! 21 & Over. Doors open at 8.